Saturday, March 20, 2010

I'm going to regret this one...

I have to be honest and say that although I have been asked a couple of times when I’m going to post a new blog entry, I’m having a bit of writers block and really can’t decide what to write about. Rather than fill you in on my weekly happenings which I’m sure are of interest to nobody but me, I prefer to write about topics of interest…things that I know if I’m thinking about, others might be thinking about too. But what are those topics? What do you think about that you want my take on? Is there anything? If there is, send me a message and assuming I have a clue what you’re talking about, it’ll become the topic for an upcoming blog!

In the meantime, today I’ve chosen to write about……...drumroll please………ice cream. That’s right, ice cream. (Hey, if you have a better topic, I’ll be waiting for your message). I seem to have an infatuation with ice cream. Those who know me will know that I am not in the least bit into sweets or sugar or desserts. At least I never have been before, but that seems to be changing in recent months. Is it possible for tastes to change that much over time? And before anyone jumps to conclusions, no, they are not cravings and I am not eating for two, although my nightly ice cream cones would certainly be more justified if I was.

So what’s going on? Why am I purposely going to Baskin Robbins when I never have before? Why am I buying boxes of Drumsticks at the grocery store when I have always skipped the frozen treat section completely? And why am I devastated that Dairy Queen no longer serves the butterscotch dipped cone??

I have a cake obsession going on right now too. McCain’s was kind enough to put their frozen cakes on sale for a buck recently, and my tummy has been the recipient of way too much of their generosity. And the number of times hubby has had to talk me out of buying a ginormous Costco cake…you know the ones that feed 50…just so I could have a slice suggests to me that something is amiss.

Could it be that I am developing a sweet tooth as I get older? I recognize that things I once loved are no longer as appealing to me, so it makes sense that things that once didn’t interest me may now be something I crave. But really…does that new thing have to be sugar? Couldn’t it be salad? I hate salad. I always have. I don’t understand the attraction of anything lettuce based. Sadly, that aversion doesn’t seem to be changing.

The pounds that you may remember melted off me in the fall are once again creeping back on ever so slowly, and that is both frustrating and upsetting. I just bought all new clothes. I can’t go back to where I was. I liked the new me way too much to lose it. So I won’t. I will fight with all my might to avoid the sugary crap I’m craving, and choose healthier, more nutritious options instead. It seems I will have to work at weight loss now, but I am more dedicated than I ever have been before. I have had a taste of what it’s like to have more energy, to receive random compliments, to not be winded walking up a flight of stairs – and I liked it.

I lost over 40 lbs. in a few short months by being stressed, exhausted and more than a little cranky. I recognize this was not in the least bit healthy, but boy was it easy. I have gained 10 of those pounds back by being happier, much less stressed and doing things I love like singing and writing and remembering what it feels like to be married and in love. So which of those is the right way to be and which is the wrong way to be? I have never managed to find that perfect middle ground where I can be happy AND in weight loss mode. It’s like the two fight against each other in my mind. So what’s a girl to do? I could try stressing myself out again to see what would happen, but something tells me the only thing I’ll find is that those around me will lose patience quickly. Or I could just be happy and not worry about my weight, but what good is happiness if you don’t live long enough to enjoy it? I’m not in bad health. In fact, other than a slightly elevated blood sugar, my other vitals are all bang on normal. But I am smart enough to know that this won’t be the case forever if I don’t smarten up soon. It’s time to take charge, so I will. This blog is my public commitment that change is coming - just as soon as this last box of Drumsticks is gone - honest.

I will never be a Barbie doll, with a tiny waist, flat tummy or perfectly perky boobs, but hey, Barbie will never be me either. While she rides around in her flashy car alone (since Ken has come out of the closet, I haven’t seen any new suitors moving in), I will be sitting comfy in the passenger’s seat of our Pontiac Vibe as my loving husband drives me around like the chubby princess I am. Except instead of driving to Baskin Robbins (my heart hurt a little saying that), maybe we’ll drive to the beach instead for a long walk. I’ll just close my eyes as we pass Shaw’s. Wow, why are my eyes so watery all of a sudden? This is going to be a long summer…