Sunday, May 17, 2009

What am I doing?!?!

So, I’ve decided to write a blog. Peer pressure has combined with my need for artistic expression, and I have made the leap. The only problem…I have no idea what to write about! I know what I care about, but will anyone else? Does it really matter what I write about…who is going to read this thing anyways? I think the best plan will just be to write what I’m thinking about and see how it all turns out.

Let’s start at the beginning…who am I? I am a thirty-something female, living in London, Ontario, Canada. I work in a job that is truly rewarding, and very fulfilling, however I find myself constantly wishing I had followed my first love – acting. Lots of things have kept me from following my passion, but I am sensing that I will need to do something to work towards it if I’m ever going to feel completely happy.

What has kept me away I hear you asking? (Weird that I can hear voices now...hmm) Well…I wanted, at one time, to be a Broadway actress. The only problem – I can’t sing well, really can’t dance and actually am not that good of an actress either. You can see why that didn’t work out! But I love the feeling of being on a stage looking out at adoring fans – I’m a Leo, what can I say?!

The idea of stand up comedy was slightly appealing, but I’m not great with rejection and if a joke bombed, I’d probably run from the stage crying, so best to stay away from that.

I watch the Oscars every year and cry – not because I’m happy for my dramatic heroes, but rather because I should be up on that stage! Funny thing is - film making has never appealed to me, so I’m not sure how I justify this sense that I should be an Oscar winner!

I truly want to be a talk show host, but how do you even make that happen??? If you know – tell me! I see myself as a cross between Oprah and Ellen, mixed in Rosie’s body with a hint of Larry King’s ability to get to the heart of an issue, cutting out the crap. That has to be a winning combination, right???

I even thought if I couldn’t be a famous artist, maybe I could run a theatre and hang out with famous artists, but my high school marks were 1% too low for acceptance to the Arts Administration program at university. The universe REALLY doesn’t want me to pursue this field!!

So what’s a girl to do? Well, if you’re me, you go into your second love – helping people. I love people…I love learning about them, knowing what makes them tick, seeing them at their best and at their worst. When it became clear that I was not going to be the next Kristen Chenoweth or Meryl Streep, I decided to pursue a degree in the Social Sciences, determined to help society finds solutions to all its problems…ahh, so naïve in those days!

I set about practicing my favourite psychological theories on my family, diagnosing each and every member with at least one or two serious issues. They all seemed thrilled as I told them in great detail what was wrong with them and how they could fix their flaws. I think they were really wishing I had become an actress! I still find myself diagnosing people regularly…seems there are more troubled people in this world than non-troubled people! Thank goodness I’ve learned to recognize everyone ELSE’s faults!

It’s funny, because my whole life, I have found myself drawn to the people who were a little different…who needed a friend…who didn’t quite fit into the mainstream. Maybe it’s because that’s how I identify myself, maybe it’s because I thought I could help. Whatever the reason, it allowed me to meet some of the greatest people I’ve ever known.

I’ve also found myself attracted to “bad boys” all my life, which is funny because they intrigue me and scare the shit out of me at the same time. But deep down, I’ve always felt like these rebels just needed a patient, loving woman – preferably one with a psych degree - to show them the way. I’ve felt this way about a litany of celebs, many of whom have calmed down greatly since they’ve met special women…Robert Downey Jr., Eminem, Charlie Sheen, Christian Slater, Russell Crowe, Colin Farrell…I still think one month with Tommy Lee would find him singing sweet love songs, and passing the days doing charity work!

In reality though, I am in love with one of the sweetest, least-bad boy men you could ever meet. My husband is my greatest love, and reminds me every day why we are married. He is gentle and loving and treats me like the princess that we both believe I am! We live in our newly purchased home with our old, deaf, half blind cat. She’s had a series of names since we got her…she’s deaf, so it’s not like it matters. Currently we’re calling her Stinky…I’d explain, but you don’t want me to.

We’re both creative types, in different ways. Hubby likes building things, tearing things apart – mostly computers – and making them do things they’re not really meant to do. He’s started his own tech blog – part of the peer pressure I’ve felt – and seems to be enjoying it.

Well, I hope I haven’t bored you too much with this first entry. I see this blog as a forum to talk about the issues of today…maybe a new topic each day…maybe a chance to share my viewpoint on things. Whatever it is, I hope you enjoy it. And if you don’t – well, its step one to being a more fulfilled me, so it’s still worth it.

Live your dreams…


  1. Kathy
    You are a very good writer. I enjoyed reading your blog.
    Sounds like you have found your prince.

  2. Omg, well I see you and I are similar in our way of thinking and feeling about the world. Especially in regards to the theatre...You know it's never to late to chase your dreams...I for one plan to someday start a small theatre company, maybe team drama classes to kids at church or community centers, I haven't given up yet!!! For now I'm going to persue admin in the theatre, see where that takes me.. haha! Wish me luck! (Btw, I have the same reaction as you do every year, when it's Oscar time...aaaah! ~ I have my speech ready... hahaha!) ;)